If you are not safe Call 9-8-8 Text 9-8-8 911
All four numbers
Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Text CONNECT to 686868 Hope for Wellness 1-855-242-3310
In British Columbia BC Mental Health Support Line 310-6789 1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-784-2433 KUU-US 1-800-588-8717
Equipped With Agency

It is happening right now

One screen. The order, the words for the state they are in, and nothing else to scroll past.

If they are not safe right now, this is not the page. This is for a child who has lost their footing, not for a child who cannot keep themselves safe — those are different situations and only one of them is answered by staying calm and crouching down. The four numbers are at the top of every page here, and Kids Help Phone is one of them.

Regulate yourself — one exhale. Level — get to their height. Name — "you're having a hard time." Offer — "water or walk?" Stay.

In order

  1. Regulate yourself first. Your nervous system is the primary intervention. One exhale. Drop your shoulders.
  2. Get to their physical level. Crouch, sit, or kneel. Eyes level with eyes.
  3. Signal safety — calm voice, open body, available presence. Not hovering. Available.
  4. Name what you see without judgement — "You're having a really hard time right now."
  5. Offer one simple choice — "Water or walk?"
  6. Breathe visibly and slowly. Invite without demanding.
  7. When the peak passes: reconnect warmly — before any conversation about what happened.

The words

Overwhelm / panic

"I'm here. Let's breathe together, longer out. What do you see in the room right now?"

Shutdown / numbness

"I'm sitting with you. You don't have to talk. I'm here."

Anger escalating

"I can see this is really important. I'm not going anywhere. Let's slow down."

Grief

"I'm here. You don't need to be okay right now."

Shame

"What you did doesn't define who you are. Let's figure out the next step."

Not yet ready to talk

"You don't have to talk. I'm here whenever you are."

Which way to push

The most common co-regulation mistake is using calming techniques on an angry child, or activation techniques on a shut-down child. Anger needs to move. Shutdown needs warmth and tiny choices. Panic needs breath and orientation. Grief needs presence without advice.

They may not visibly respond to any of it, and that is not the sequence failing. Your own steadiness is the intervention, and the conversation about what happened belongs after the peak rather than during it.

The reasons, the four age bands and what not to say are on the full guide, for later.