Stay. Reduce. One step.
Use it when
- They have said something you cannot unhear, and you do not know what comes next
- You think they may be considering suicide and you do not know how to ask
- The tools in Session 15 have stopped reaching them
- You are afraid of saying the wrong thing, and doing nothing feels safer
- There is no clinician in the room, and it is going to be you
The steps
- SAFETY FIRST. Is this person safe right now? If no — call 911 immediately. Stop here.
- STAY. Do not leave them alone. Your presence is the most important stabiliser available.
- REDUCE STIMULATION. Lower voices, reduce movement, minimise demands. The nervous system needs input reduced, not increased.
- SIMPLE LANGUAGE ONLY. Short sentences. No analysis. No advice. "I'm here. You're not alone. We're going to do one thing at a time."
- ONE STEP. What is the single next physical action? Not a plan — a step. "Let's sit down together."
- CONTACT SUPPORT. If this exceeds what you can manage alone — call or text 9-8-8, or 911 if there is immediate danger. A trusted person as well, never instead.
- NO FORCED MEANING. Do not ask why. Do not attempt to resolve the crisis through conversation. Stabilise first.
What to expect
You may not be able to calm them, and that is not the job. Staying, saying little, and reducing what is coming at them is the intervention. If it goes past what you can hold on your own, that is what the numbers are for.
If this isn't the one
- They are safe now, and it is you who is shaking → The Body Reset
- They are dysregulated rather than in crisis → The Dysregulation Response Sequence
- Afterwards, when you are on your own with it → The Self-Compassion Break
Where it comes from
- Session 17 — the full handout
- Session 17 — Crisis and Escalation Plan
- Supported
Prefer it one step at a time? The same protocol as a guided runner in the app, which also keeps a private record if you want one.
This is one of the tools a seventeen-session series teaches, ninety minutes at a time, in a room of six to twelve people. It is peer-facilitated, free to host, and every handout and worksheet it uses is free to take.
Where this one comes from
You have just run one protocol. Behind it is one idea: everything you do is paid for out of a single account, and almost nothing is charged at the moment you do it — which is why the fifth repetition is worse than five times the first, and why a bad night does not present its bill until the following afternoon. Shoulder the Bill is that argument as one continuous read, written out of a workplace injury and the four years afterwards. The manual is the one you open at a page. The Workbook is the one you write in.
three books, one system →Check what stayed 3 questions
Answer in your own words, out loud or on paper. Nothing is scored, nothing is marked, and nothing is stored — this is for noticing what you have, not for anybody to grade.
What has to be true of the other person, and of your own position, before this is the sequence to run?
What the material says
Somebody else is not safe and you are the one who is there.
You have established the person is safe right now. What is the second step, and what does it say your presence is?
What the material says
Do not leave them alone. Your presence is the most important stabiliser available.
There is a step forbidding one question and one activity. What is it called, and what does it forbid?