Regulate yourself first. Then regulate alongside.
The steps
- Regulate yourself first. Your nervous system is the primary intervention. One exhale. Drop your shoulders.
- Get to their physical level. Crouch, sit, or kneel. Eyes level with eyes.
- Signal safety calm voice, open body, available presence. Not hovering. Available.
- Name what you see without judgement "You're having a really hard time right now."
- Offer one simple choice "Water or walk?"
- Breathe visibly and slowly. Invite without demanding.
- When the peak passes: reconnect warmly before any conversation about what happened.
Where it comes from
- Session 12 — the full handout
- Session 12 — Co-Regulation Scripts
Prefer it one step at a time? The same protocol as a guided runner in the app, which also keeps a private record if you want one.
This is one of the tools a seventeen-session series teaches, ninety minutes at a time, in a room of six to twelve people. It is peer-facilitated and free to host.
Check what stayed 3 questions
Answer in your own words, out loud or on paper. Nothing is scored, nothing is marked, and nothing is stored — this is for noticing what you have, not for anybody to grade.
When do you reach for this sequence?
What the material says
Somebody in front of you has lost their footing and you need the order.
After regulating yourself, what do you do with your own body?
What the material says
Get to their physical level.
What is the anchor phrase, and what order does it put the two halves in?
What the material says
Regulate yourself first. Then regulate alongside.