Repair is part of strength.
The steps
- Identify the need, limit or response clearly in your own mind first.
- Choose a regulated state to deliver it not in the middle of flooding.
- Use first person "I notice… I feel… I need…" Not "you always / you never."
- State it once, clearly, then be quiet. Do not over-explain or apologise for the need.
- If dismissed: restate once more. If dismissed again, name what will happen next.
- Close the Loop for having expressed the need — regardless of the response.
Where it comes from
- Session 9 — the full handout
- Session 9 — The Repair
Prefer it one step at a time? The same protocol as a guided runner in the app, which also keeps a private record if you want one.
This is one of the tools a seventeen-session series teaches, ninety minutes at a time, in a room of six to twelve people. It is peer-facilitated and free to host.
Check what stayed 3 questions
Answer in your own words, out loud or on paper. Nothing is scored, nothing is marked, and nothing is stored — this is for noticing what you have, not for anybody to grade.
What are the two failure modes this protocol sits between?
What the material says
Expressing a need or a limit without aggression and without collapse.
How many times do you state the need, and what do you do immediately afterwards?
What the material says
State it once, clearly, then be quiet.
What are the two things you must not do after stating a need?
What the material says
Do not over-explain or apologise for the need.