Repair is part of strength.
The steps
- Recall name what happened specifically, from a regulated state.
- Empathise attempt to understand, not approve, how they came to do what they did.
- The Altruistic Gift recall a time you needed forgiveness and someone extended it. Offer the same extension.
- Commit "I am releasing this grievance for my own well-being." Write it down.
- Hold On when the grievance resurfaces, and it will, restate the decision: "I have already chosen to release this. I choose it again."
Where it comes from
- Session 9 — the full handout
- Session 9 — The Repair
Prefer it one step at a time? The same protocol as a guided runner in the app, which also keeps a private record if you want one.
This is one of the tools a seventeen-session series teaches, ninety minutes at a time, in a room of six to twelve people. It is peer-facilitated and free to host.
Check what stayed 3 questions
Answer in your own words, out loud or on paper. Nothing is scored, nothing is marked, and nothing is stored — this is for noticing what you have, not for anybody to grade.
What makes a grievance one this tool is for?
What the material says
A grievance that is costing you something to keep carrying.
The second step asks you to understand. What does it explicitly not ask you to do?
What the material says
attempt to understand, not approve, how they came to do what they did.
The grievance comes back. Is that a failure of the protocol, and what does the last step ask you to do?
What the material says
when the grievance resurfaces, and it will, restate the decision