Session 15 of the series. The questions come from the session's own material — every answer below is a span of it, word for word, rather than somebody's summary.
The questions 4 questions
Answer in your own words, out loud or on paper. Nothing is scored, nothing is marked, and nothing is stored — this is for noticing what you have, not for anybody to grade.
You have identified that somebody is above their window. Which direction does the tool need to take them, and what kind of tool does that?
What the material says
Above the window you need to come down breath, cold water, movement to discharge
Where this comes from — Identify your zone first — the Window of Tolerance
Shame does not always look like hiding. Name the four directions it can take.
What the material says
Withdraw and hide. Turn it on yourself. Avoid it — with noise, distraction, a drink. Or turn it outward as anger at somebody else.
A child is furious and another has gone flat. What does a helper reaching for the same calming approach in both get wrong?
What the material says
The most common co-regulation mistake is using calming techniques on an angry child, or activation techniques on a shut-down child.
Where this comes from — The helper note — match the tool to the state
Somebody is in a state they cannot get out of and you say "Snap out of it." What are you commanding?
The material itself
Shutdown, Panic, Anger, Grief, and Shame — the handout
The full written session: what the tool is, why it works, when to use it, and what never to say.
Read the handout →