That happened before. This is now.
Use it when
- A situation is producing a reaction that feels disproportionate
- A specific person, place or sensory cue reliably triggers you
- You're reacting to what you predict will happen based on past experience
- You want an early-warning system for your own patterns
The steps
- Name the feeling.
- Ask: does it match the situation, or is it larger?
- Ask: what does this remind me of?
- Name one difference between then and now.
- Name one resource you have now.
- Choose based on now. Close the Loop.
What to expect
The feeling may not get smaller. You will know whether you are answering this situation or an older one. That is a different question from whether it hurts.
If this isn't the one
- You know the limit and cannot say it → The Assertiveness Protocol
- It became a disagreement → The Conflict Protocol
- You said it and now you feel guilty → The Self-Compassion Break
If-Then plan: If [trigger] happens, then I will [pre-committed response].
Where it comes from
- Session 4 — the full handout
- WB 1.4 — The Line (p.8)
- Chapter 4. Trigger maps: Chapter 11.
- Promising
Prefer it one step at a time? The same protocol as a guided runner in the app, which also keeps a private record if you want one.
This is one of the tools a seventeen-session series teaches, ninety minutes at a time, in a room of six to twelve people. It is peer-facilitated, free to host, and every handout and worksheet it uses is free to take.
Where this one comes from
You have just run one protocol. Behind it is one idea: everything you do is paid for out of a single account, and almost nothing is charged at the moment you do it — which is why the fifth repetition is worse than five times the first, and why a bad night does not present its bill until the following afternoon. Shoulder the Bill is that argument as one continuous read, written out of a workplace injury and the four years afterwards. The manual is the one you open at a page. The Workbook is the one you write in.
three books, one system →Check what stayed 3 questions
Answer in your own words, out loud or on paper. Nothing is scored, nothing is marked, and nothing is stored — this is for noticing what you have, not for anybody to grade.
You have identified what the reaction reminds you of. What is the next step, and how many do you need?
What do you name about the present, after naming the difference?
What is the anchor phrase, and which two times does it hold apart?